A few things: at thirty I made a move into a career that really suits me, and I was eventually able to find a job in a place where I want to live.
I also, almost by accident, was able to dredge up and talk out (with my sister) a number of family issues that have bothered me all my life. Getting those aired out helped.
And my always-fraught relationship with my mother has mysteriously healed itself--one day she just stopped being undermining and passive-aggressive towards me. I don't know how or why that happened but I am extraordinarily grateful.
I'm now working on my familial tendency to brood and hold grudges, mostly by reminding myself that my own memory is as faulty as anyone's and I might be remembering these old wounds and attacks... with advantages, shall we say.
In short, part of the reason I felt for Loki in the Thor movie was pure fellow-feeling, but rather than become a megalomaniacal supervillain I am working on being a more accepting and loving person.
I didn't expect to be a single lady with cats in my forties, but this is definitely the sanest and happiest I've ever been. I will say that I read the blogs of younger single women who are anguished, saying "people tell me I'll meet the Right One. When??" and I have the urge to say, "Maybe never. But you'll be okay, honest."
I wish I hadn't wasted so much of my youth being unhappy and afraid of everything, but at least I'm doing better moving forward.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2011-05-20 03:06 pm (UTC)I also, almost by accident, was able to dredge up and talk out (with my sister) a number of family issues that have bothered me all my life. Getting those aired out helped.
And my always-fraught relationship with my mother has mysteriously healed itself--one day she just stopped being undermining and passive-aggressive towards me. I don't know how or why that happened but I am extraordinarily grateful.
I'm now working on my familial tendency to brood and hold grudges, mostly by reminding myself that my own memory is as faulty as anyone's and I might be remembering these old wounds and attacks... with advantages, shall we say.
In short, part of the reason I felt for Loki in the Thor movie was pure fellow-feeling, but rather than become a megalomaniacal supervillain I am working on being a more accepting and loving person.
I didn't expect to be a single lady with cats in my forties, but this is definitely the sanest and happiest I've ever been. I will say that I read the blogs of younger single women who are anguished, saying "people tell me I'll meet the Right One. When??" and I have the urge to say, "Maybe never. But you'll be okay, honest."
I wish I hadn't wasted so much of my youth being unhappy and afraid of everything, but at least I'm doing better moving forward.