I think they must be much more common than I ever thought - when I was little, I always believed this was some flaw specific to me, it never occurred to me that other people might get this feeling too! And I sympathise because it is a truly horrible feeling.
It's interesting that you don't get them riding - I think that part of the puzzle that I'm groping towards is to do with attention and focus in the now, as opposed to letting my mind run forward to possible (negative) futures, and it sounds like you've got a strong present-ness when you ride, perhaps?
I think the other part of it is that for me I tend to lose brain function to a greater or lesser extent when things go pearshaped (which I think is a side effect of fear), and this then really limits the extent to which I can react effectively - the times that I've fallen off, I often experience the initial buck (or whatever) but then I almost effectively black out until I'm falling, which is a) freaky, and b) not conducive to being able to do anything useful. So, Marco's charge-off to the horizon the other day was actually fine because I still had enough awareness to be able to act... I think if I can lower my fear levels both generally, and in the specific high-intensity moments, then I can start learning how to act when things go pear-shaped, and then that should be a virtuous circle... This is still a work in progress, however!
PS: the owners of the fjord pony found your input helpful, and are definitely interested in sharing any future visits from you!, so we'll have to put something in the diary - I'll send you an email at some point, but I can't do the next couple of weekends!
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2010-03-10 02:53 pm (UTC)It's interesting that you don't get them riding - I think that part of the puzzle that I'm groping towards is to do with attention and focus in the now, as opposed to letting my mind run forward to possible (negative) futures, and it sounds like you've got a strong present-ness when you ride, perhaps?
I think the other part of it is that for me I tend to lose brain function to a greater or lesser extent when things go pearshaped (which I think is a side effect of fear), and this then really limits the extent to which I can react effectively - the times that I've fallen off, I often experience the initial buck (or whatever) but then I almost effectively black out until I'm falling, which is a) freaky, and b) not conducive to being able to do anything useful. So, Marco's charge-off to the horizon the other day was actually fine because I still had enough awareness to be able to act... I think if I can lower my fear levels both generally, and in the specific high-intensity moments, then I can start learning how to act when things go pear-shaped, and then that should be a virtuous circle... This is still a work in progress, however!
PS: the owners of the fjord pony found your input helpful, and are definitely interested in sharing any future visits from you!, so we'll have to put something in the diary - I'll send you an email at some point, but I can't do the next couple of weekends!